Numbers Games : The Path to Self-Discovery
Posted by Kagisho in Transform Your MindAug 26th, 2009 | no responsesI’m in the process of shifting my illustration work from lots of little jobs that are ok, to a few big jobs that I love. I’m also looking for an agent to represent my work. I’ve wanted this for a while, but only recently got really clear about the whole thing. So, now I’m ready! Did you hear that, Universe!?
Probably not. See, the Universe doesn’t have a direct line, and in order to transform yourself or your life the best way can often be a numbers game. Last week, I heard a story about a guy who has amazing success with women. He goes on more dates with amazing women than anyone else. How does he do it? He does it by getting rejected by more women than anyone else. See, he gave himself a goal to get the most rejections he could get in a week (he used an actual number), and by the end of the week, he’d achieved his “goal.” Of course, in the midst of that, he also went on some great dates!
You see, this game isn’t just about spamming the Universe, but it’s about using numbers to get past whatever fears you have around things like rejection, the future, failure, and more. It can even help you learn more about yourself in the process. I just read this great article about a woman who went on 100 dates with men. She wanted to find a partner, she was 34, so she posted an ad, and amidst the guys in Hawaiian shirts offering her trips to Vegas, she found 100 potential dates. Very quickly after an intense two weeks and 21 dates, she broke down into tears, and felt all the loneliness and rejection and fear that she’d felt in all her years of relationships. She realized that she’d been selling herself short for a long time, saying yes when she wasn’t interested, even getting into relationships that didn’t inspire her. She realized where she’d been cheating herself, and she learned how to stop. She learned how to communicate honestly her feelings if she wasn’t interested, felt ok about rejections (she says that those guys were meant to be with someone else, so it’s good that he’s free to find her!), and got way more in touch with what really inspired her. In the end, she not only found a great guy, but she was sure that he was the one she wanted.
Another aspect of this is that your Universe doesn’t know when you change, you have to tell it. The woman in the article had friends to talk to, and the successful dating guy told his guy buddies because our friends, family, and communities are our Universe. A close friend recently called me and told me he was disappointed, and that he felt that I saw him as straight-laced, and a little uptight. He was right, and when he told me, I actually noticed that in the past year… he really hadn’t lived up to my expectations of a real uptightster. The truth is, he’s a very relaxed and confident guy, more so than he’s ever been, and I had just put him in a box without bothering to re-review the label based on experience. So when he told me that he felt good, confident, and relaxed and wanted me to support him, I was able to change my own perspective. As part of his Universe, I had the power to keep him the same, or help him transform, and by telling me, he catalyzed that shift.
So, I’m playing a numbers game too. I’m shooting for 50 rejections from agents for my work. That means I have to email way more than 50, and I have to deal with a lot of rejection. I’ve emailed about 30, and I’m about 5 rejections towards my goal right now. I’ve also gotten two great agents who are interested in working with me. But beyond the numbers, I’m learning more about how to approach and interact in the world of artists’ agents effectively and professionally. I’m learning how I’ve felt needy or urgent, and how to move past those feelings. I’m learning how to love my own work and learning process in the moment, without worrying as much about future success. I’m learning that the more I talk about it, the more likely the Universe will hear me. Heck, I’m even telling you.
Where are you playing small or selling yourself short in your life? What game can you play to break through the fear that holds you back?
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